A Belated Wonderful Happy Merry Christmas!

It has been a busy, wonderful few months!  I knew I wouldn't write during Christmas, but I did want to share some photos and a few stories.  Since it's now April - who would believe?! - it's high time I do it!

This was Joy's first full Christmas season with us.  We did celebrate Christmas and Santa Claus and stockings and such last year, but she really doesn't remember much.  What we found out this Christmas was that while she had seen Santa Claus in Taiwan, there wasn't the tradition of him leaving presents at Christmas.  "He" would come to the orphanage and bring them all donuts or cupcakes and sing "happy songs" and that was it.  So the idea of having this strange man come into the house was pretty scary!

We assured her it was okay.  Joy INSISTED that we tell Scarpia and Katrina because otherwise he wouldn't be able to get in.  Like all children, she wanted the surprise of the presents enough to be a little scared!  We dutifully sat down with Scarpia and Katrina and explained that the back door to the kitchen would be left unlocked and that Santa would be coming in that way.  They were not to bark or growl.  We left dog treats out for Santa to give them, just in case.  They were left with the thin mint Girl Scout Cookies (Santa's favorite, you know).  She also wrote a note to Santa, which he, of course, answered!  :)

(This is from the Kindergarteners singing at church.)

We tried to keep Christmas low-key - not many presents and nothing too amazingly exciting.  Her big present was snow shoes, which she hasn't had a chance to use yet!  (oh well....)  But even so, the whole month between Halloween and Christmas as really a lot for her. Halloween was unknown, scary and strange.  Then everyone else in her class knew what to expect next.  Thanksgiving: food, relatives, a few days off.  Then Christmas.  My many many thanks to her teacher who dealt with her that month!  She was out of control a lot, and mostly because she was scared and didn't know what was going on.  She obviously understood what we said, but really, until you've lived through the Christmas season as a child, you don't really know what's coming!  I expect next Christmas to have a fully Americanized child who doesn't say, "Mama, I don't need all these presents.  I just want to be with you and Daddy."  I'll miss it, for sure!

Our year ended with our anniversary - both Tim and my wedding anniversary, but also with our anniversary of bringing Joy home.

(Here she is with her cousins and aunt and uncle on New Year's Day.)

Perhaps the best thing we have done with Joy has been to tell her that she isn't in charge.  I think that perhaps parents with biological children, or children adopted at birth, wouldn't see the need for that, but we clearly did.  Joy was so used to taking care of herself, in so many different situations that she was like a little adult.  On the surface, that seems fine.  But it isn't.  She needed us to be PARENTS and Be In Charge.  It was just about January that she started to really relax, stop testing us at every corner, and let us be in charge.

I can't tell you the leaps and bounds we made that month!  Her learning excelled.  Her ability to communicate just blossomed.  Her willingness to listen and really incorporate what was being said multiplied.  It was wonderful!  And so nice after the upsetting few months before.

One thing we noticed was that Joy really wanted us to be firm.  She would push until she found the wall.  Tim and I both moved the wall up closer, if you know what I mean.  I think we started using counting about then too.  "That's 1" for whatever behavior wasn't acceptable (after making sure she knew that wasn't okay to do or say - you have to give some leeway because of the language).  "When I get to 3, you'll loose X."  Loosing things (like tv, a toy, or time with a friend) was much more effective than time outs.  We did (and still do) time outs on the stairs, where she can see me.  I tried a few times sending her to her room, mostly when I needed time to cool off, and that ALWAYS led to a complete meltdown.  So I learned (amazing!), and we don't do that anymore.  (Although, the threat of it will usually accomplish a contrite apology!)

In January, we also went to San Diego to see Zach graduate from boot camp and become a US Marine!  So very cool and we're so proud!  You can follow that journey on our other blog, http://www.zachs84.blogspot.com/.

We also stayed with some dear friends and played on the beach and just plain relaxed!

Our water sprite!  "The Best Day Ever!"

Thanks all!

February and March coming next......

Margaret