James No Ziegler

James, no, you can't climb on the ladder.
James, no, you cannot unplug things.
James, no, you cannot unscrew the light bulbs because you think it is too bright in here.
James, no, you cannot help me by opening the oven door when I'm cooking.
James, no, you can't shove your sister into the refrigerator because she said you had to eat an apple.
James, no, you cannot spit all over the mirror when brushing your teeth because you think it's funny.
James, no, you better not slide down the stairs head-first.
James, no, don't growl in the dog's face, again.
James, no, I am not a trampoline and you cannot jump on me.
 
Tim said yesterday he is sure the boy will think his name is "James No Ziegler".

I have no doubt!

This is just a small sampling of what it is like to have a 6 year old in the house who hasn't been taught about, well, much of anything in the real world.  I take that back - he may have been taught and he is testing to see, or he may be curious and that has overridden the learning.  Or he may think this isn't the real world, lol!

In any case, it is like having a 2 year old who runs to the next interesting thing but James is big enough to do some real damage or get hurt. 

It is exhausting in ways I wouldn't have thought.  The constant instruction - what word is this, what do you want, this is how we act, this is what we do, this is what you meant to say - I know these things are vitally important and I'm more than happy to be teaching him, but a little break would be nice too!  Repeating them 1000s of time a day is literally and emotionally exhausting, no question!

Now that we've been home a month, there are things about him that I'm still figuring out, but there is a lot about his personality that is coming into focus.

He is naturally happy and loves to laugh.  He loves to make other people laugh and has learned that being silly (constantly) is one way to get attention and make people laugh.  He does not really like to share, but he does like having a play-mate.  He gets angry easily and when he does, he lowers his eyelids and looks out the side of his eyes, like in a horror flick.  (It's pretty creepy, except that he's 6 years old.  Wonder where he learned that?)  He has quite the temper and sometimes simple things get him riled up.  There are immediate tears, with eyes shut tightly.  Then slamming his arm on the table/bed/stairs/floor/grass and then slamming his head on his arm, quite dramatically.  It's genuine, but it's also very overblown.  Temper tantrums in time out last about 8-10 minutes, which seems long for a 6 year old, but he's pretty stubborn.  The beautiful thing is that once he's calmed himself (and it is best to leave him alone, I've learned), he will get up and come apologize very sweetly and heart-felt.  I'm grateful for that!

- Here is a short story that illustrates the temper -
While I was at choir rehearsal on Monday, Tim made cookies with the kids.  Joy loves to cook with her dad, and I know it was more work than it seems.  James was particularly excited bc he hasn't been allowed cookies unless they are made with cane sugar, which, face it, are that good!  Tim wouldn't let them eat the cookies until I got home, creating the homecoming every mother dreams of!  :)
The next morning, Joy and I have been up and James comes down the stairs sleepily (he does NOT like to wake up), but he's already dressed and ready to face the day, mostly.  He sees the tupperware of cookies on the counter and makes a beeline for it.  COOKIES, he shouts!  And proceeds to grab the whole tub to take with him somewhere special.  I grab the cookies and say, no cookies for breakfast.  Would you like eggs or cereal or soup?
SCREAMING ensues.  Literally!
I try laughing, saying, no, we don't eat cookies for breakfast.  That only made it louder.
So I put him in time out by himself (while he tries to scratch the daylights out of my arms - - - ) but the only place I have to put him is on the little tramp that sits in the music room at the moment (because of the Christmas tree).  That is because I have a repairman in the house fixing the dryer who is coming up and down the stairs!  
So yes, I have a screaming, crying, irate little boy in one room, 2 barking dogs in the kitchen, and another little one trying to out-do her brother in the other room, all while I have a stranger in the house - for 12 full minutes.  Oh fun! I can't imagine what he thought about all that.
Maybe the funniest part of the story though is what the repairman said to me when he finished: "Don't let the munchkins use the appliances, I mean don't teach them how, because they will only break them.  And never, ever let your husband use any appliance in the house - that's a sure way to break them."  He proceeded to ask me if my microwave had stalactites growing from the ceiling, meaning that my husband had surely caused them.  I ushered him out the door, saying, "My husband is a professional chef.  I'm pretty sure he knows his way around the kitchen just fine, thank you for the advice."  I refrained from saying, "If you want to wash your kids clothes until they are 25, that's fine, but mine will know how to use the appliances.  In fact, my stepson does a pretty mean load of laundry, when he wants to."  Tim told me I should call and report him, but why should I deprive the next little housewife of that sage advice? ;)

Now back to my list -
James came to us with no voice regulation - everything he said, he said loudly.  I've read on other blogs of adoptive children from Taiwan that this seems pretty common.  He wasn't in an orphanage, but somehow he just didn't learn how to speak softly.  He's made tremendous strides, but it can get loud and overwhelming pretty quickly.

His taste in food is, well, a little puzzling, to be honest.  He likes cheese pizza, then has a tummy ache.  Wonder why? ;)  He likes noodle soup, fried eggs (NOT runny yellow part but don't try to turn them over as he won't eat them, screaming "EE-UR", so basted are the answer), apples if the skin is cut off and he still screws up his face when presented with it, even while saying yum, soda (although I told him that we drink Zevia soda here in America - made with Stevia rather than HFCS and so far that's working), fried rice if it doesn't have meat in it and no carrots, steamed pork dumplings, and anything sweet.

He just won't eat any protein other than eggs!  Oh and Green Things?  Broccoli flowerets (no stems please and each one is presented to me with "I no like dis") and green peas or snow peas are okay.  But it seems that most of his diet consisted of starch.  I think a great deal of his initial behavior issues have to do with that.  I'm working on it, but it is hard.  Rice and noodles - a staple.  So slow progress on that.

Oh, one other aspect of my daily life that you might not guess - I cook for 2 kids from the time they get up to the time they go to bed.  Or at least it seems that way.  Eggs and yogurt for breakfast, then 20 minutes later I hear the call, "I'm HUNGRY" like he will never get food again if he doesn't scream it at me.  Okay, noodle soup?  Good, now go outside and play.  30 minutes later, "I'm HUNGRY" having forgotten that he just ate.  Soda and crackers with apples.  40 minutes later, yup, you guessed it.  How about some left over rice?  No?  Noodles with the egg on it?  Okay. 

You get the picture - it is a constant game to see what he will eat and then getting enough in him to last more than an hour at a time.  He gets up and walks around while chewing enough in his mouth for 4 kids.  We're working on both of those things, complete with the "if you leave this table again, the food goes away" which usually brings tears, so we keep that for last.  But after spending 45 minutes eating soup, I'm pretty much willing to threaten starvation to leave the table, lol!  (Yes, I know that with adopted children you have to be careful of using food as a punishment as they need that comfort and control - but we also have to learn how to eat food in a way that will function in society!  I'm pretty careful to use that only when the other tactics have been ignored and only with James.  I cannot use food that way with Joy as her reaction is feel insecure.)

I am not complaining.  I'm trying to explain what life is like so that those who know us will understand why we are loopy!  And also so those who are in process will be a little better prepared for anything.  And for those who are living it like we are - you're not alone!  :)

Here's to another 30 minutes without being in the kitchen!
Blessings,
Margaret