For anyone who has braved the store with kids, you know what I'm talking about! LOL
Try it with one who only sorta understands what I mean and has never had any rules (and might never have been in a grocery store for that matter) and another one who jealously watches to make sure she gets the same attention as her brother, and it can be, well - entertaining!
We were at Sprouts this afternoon. I was doing my best to plan it so that it would work - playground first, snack next, then bathroom, then shopping. We were doing well as we strode into the store. Joy got the cart. James started to climb in. I knew I had more things to get than that, so I said no. He continued to climb. I'm still saying, "Jamesno" when I realize that not only do I need to grab him so he doesn't fall but that we are blocking the doorway. So with 7 people waiting to get into the store, I grab him, explain that when I say No, I mean don't keep doing what you're doing. He politely says, Yes Mommy. And as I put him on the ground, he tries to climb again as I'm moving the cart, with Joy hanging on my arm like a dead weight. I'm not quite sure what I said next, but children did obey. I think I might have heard a laugh or two behind me....
The next hurdle is who is going to steer the cart. James is too young, I explain, showing him how he can't see over the top of the cart well enough. He's mad about that, and starts the arm slamming down on something close by with his head following close behind. Only problem with that was we were at the cheese aisle. I managed to stop him before he plowed his arm into some expensive semisoft cheese!
Next is vegetables. Joy is driving the cart and James is telling her where to go. It's cute as he is practicing his directions and Joy is practicing obeying - so I don't interfere much with that except to say I want to go Left, etc. I stop to get green beans and I hear an eruption about 2 feet from me. Another lady is getting green beans next to me. (Mind you, this is early afternoon, so all the other kids are in school and these are mostly moms shopping.) I know from the sound of it that there is pushing and shoving going on and I guess that it is the cart that's getting shoved. So I look over, assess that no real damage had been done YET, and say, "That's 1 for you both." Immediate indignant response from them both. I remind them, pretty calmly, I thought, that in stores they get counted together. Joy starts in on "I didn't do anything" while I calmly pick out green beans and say again, those are the rules. She starts to complain that at home it's different, right? Yes, I say, at home you get counted separately. The lady next to me starts laughing. I felt like I was revealing my entire Mom Handbook to a stranger. I left with not quite enough green beans.
Next to the milk aisle which borders the frozen food aisle. As I'm looking for their yogurt drink, I hear Joy say, very loudly, "James, don't lick the glass!" I look over and James is standing with his head against the glass in front of the ice cream. He says, in this pitiful little voice, "Mommy, ice cream please!" I say, No, sorry no ice cream. He gets a little louder, "Mommy, ice cream Pleeeassse!" No, sorry not today. "When today? Tomorrow?" No, not tomorrow, sweetie. "Tomorrow tomorrow?" No "Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow?" No.
By this time there are 3 moms and a man unloading product listening to this.
So in desperation, I say to James, "Sweetheart, you can have some ice cream at Christmas." A little bright smile greets me, but he still has his head resting on the glass. And says, "Tomorrow Christmas?" No, honey. "Tomorrow tomorrow Christmas?"
At this point everyone is laughing out loud. I just scoop him up and say, You'll know when it's Christmas.
Checkout time - and they were golden! No reaching hands grabbing things and no whining. Both helping to unload the cart and smiling and being nice to each other. They then sat on the stools at the high bar just a few feet away.
And then I had one of those conversations that as an adoptive parent you know are out there, but they don't happen that often to me. The young woman who was checking me out was pleasant and friendly and said something nice to both of my kids. She said something that made James laugh and he does have that megawat smile! After the kids went to play on the stools, she said to me, "So are they adopted?" I said, yes and because James said something she didn't understand, I added, "We've been home from Taiwan for a month." "Oh, wow! That's so amazing! So you adopted them both? Are they brother and sister?"
I knew that she meant did I adopt them both at the same time, but I didn't want to go into that, so I just answered yes. She was probably around 22 or so and seemed to be from Indonesia. She then said, "How is he doing here? Is he happy? So he's better off now?"
I know that she meant, that must be a huge transition and how is he doing and did he come from a horrible situation. But it felt like she was saying, are you sure he's better off here? Just the tone of her voice and the way she looked at him made me feel that way. I was thinking inside, look at him - he's happy and you can see he's doing just fine. I'm remembering how his moods would swing and he seemed to be swimming through life without a life jacket, almost sunk by each new emotion or situation because of his diet and lack of discipline. I looked at him happily playing with his new sister and climbing back down to the stool when I told him to without a tantrum or a frown. I KNOW he's better off. Even if he is now in a multi-cultural family with parents who don't look like him, who didn't grow up speaking the same language. I know that God's plan is better than anything I can dream up, and while there are hard things about being his parent, it is what is best - for all of us!
So I just answered her by saying, "He's doing a great job! And yes, both kids are happy."
Then I squeezed them both between me and the cart's handrail and wheeled them out to the car, buckled them in, and thanked God that His plan included these 2 precious children and me.
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