The Honeymoon is Over

I know it happens for every adoptive family - that moment when you realize that your child isn't so sure she wanted you for a parent. You can prepare for it, but until it hits you over the head, there's really no way to steal your heart for those words: "I don't like you! I don't want to be here! I want to go HOME!"

It feels like that Honeymoon period of being excited by all these new things - language, food, people, routines, clothes, weather, dogs, and rules - has worn off. Joy is the most angry when she discovers (as she does daily) there are RULES here as well! I don't know what they told her in the orphanage, but she clearly thought there wouldn't be any strictures on her wants here! lol!

We are blessed that Joy is incredibly verbal. She has learned not just the language, but the nuances and the phrases that English is full of very well. She understands there are words that sound alike but mean different things. She knows there are words that are reserved for adults, words that she shouldn't use, and words that mean different things to different people. I'm constantly amazed at what she's learned!

With that proficiency has come an excellerated rebellion against us, I think.

We are having a push-pull relationship right now. She needs me. She wants me to be close (next her at all times sometimes). But at the same time, she resents that she needs me. And she can say it out loud! I know not to take it personally. And I know to be patient and loving, and I am. But it breaks my heart that she's in this place at all!

She has SO much she's dealing with! Here are just some of the things we've talked about:

- No, you did not hurt your mother when you were born. You may have been "cut" out of her tummy, but it didn't hurt her. They have medicine to take that pain away. And no, that's not why she couldn't take care of you forever.

- Your birth mother is too sick to take care of you and she loved you SO much that she wanted you to have a mother and daddy who could take care of you and love you ALL of the time, forever.

- Nothing you can do will make us stop loving you. Nothing you say or do will stop us loving you. (She says - "but I don't want you to love me!") And we will love you even when you don't love yourself and don't want anyone else to love you!

- She says, "You don't have to love me, you know!" We want to love you! We get to love you! There's nothing in the world we want more than to love you!

- Last night she said, as she's pushing me away for the upteenth time, "But I don't need you!" And then cries if I try to leave...So I said to her - Do you know what you need? You need kisses (many kisses applied)! You need hugs (big tight hug)! You need me to love you (I love you whispered in her ear). And you need to love me (she says I love you back). And I need those things too! (She does the same back to me - while I'm trying not to cry!)

So, this little girl, who didn't ask to be adopted, who didn't get to pick her Forever Family, is dealing with her loss of friends and the familiar at the same time she is embracing this new life, these new people and this new language. No wonder she's acting out! ;)

Catching Up

We've had a busy, fun Summer! Lots of free time to do whatever, whenever! My favorite days were the ones where we had no schedule at all and just created our day, moment by moment!

Joy has grown so much this summer as well! Not just the 2 inches in height, but in her strength and coordination, as well as in her ability to communicate and interact with everything around her. Everyone marvels at her language skills when they meet her for the first time! It's hard to believe she's been here only 8 months!

Along with the increased vocabulary as come the expected frustration at not being able to express EXACTLY what she is feeling. At first, when she had only gestures and a few words, she really didn't get that frustrated. She knew somehow, I guess, that her abilities were limited and so she just went with the flow pretty well. Now, it's a different story!

Partly, it's her increasing need to exert her own will. She gets most upset when she doesn't get what she wants. And add to that her thinking that she's not able to express what she wants well, and we get complete meltdowns!

Starting Kindergarten really brought a lot of this to a head, I believe. As Tim points out, she remembers her friends at the YMCA in Taipei and misses them. She misses knowing the routine and what's expected of her. And while this great adventure as been fun and all, the fear of not measuring up has been pretty present with her.

For example, after the first day at school, she refused to sleep in her bed in her bedroom. She'd been doing that successfully for a couple of months. But worrying about school made her so worked up, she couldn't sleep by herself. She insisted that I sleep with her, which means, go to sleep with her. The first few nights were terribly hard - trying to get her to stop playing, or fighting me, just to lay down and be quiet. She finally said to me that she had "bad dreams" about her teacher being mad at her.

So, we went and talked to her teacher! She handled it beautifully, saying all the things she should have and reassuring Joy that all was fine at school.

Guess what? Joy spent the next 3 days acting out in school! :)

SO, we had another conference with her teacher, explaining that getting in trouble at school is just like getting in trouble with me or Daddy. And we expected her to behave! And just in case that wasn't enough incentive, we reminded her that good things happen for girls who are good. And sure enough, she got to go to the pool with Daddy the first day she had a good day at school!

We are slowly making progress with the sleeping - more on that in the next post though.

For now, here are some pictures from the summer - just random things I like!


Yes, those are Joy's feet in the air above Zach's head! She loves it when he throws her up high! ("Higher" is what she says!)


This is an attempt at a family picture before Zach ships out for the Marines. This is the only one that Joy wasn't MOVING in! She gets so excited when Courtney comes over! She loves having a big sister to play with!


This is Joy on the first day of Kindergarten at her seat. She is definitely claiming it as her own! She has some friends from pre-school and summer care who are in her class, including Sarah and Timmy, who sit at her table. I think they get each other in trouble, mostly! lol


Tim and Joy in front of the "Giant Marine" at the airshow this summer.

A little late, but Happy 6th Birthday!

I'm behind - I know! Please forgive!

But here it is! Pictures from Joy's 6th Birthday on July 23rd!

We rented Little Gym for 2 hours and the kids got to run and play on the equipment and try their skills (with the watchful eyes of 2 teachers) on the balance beam, the uneven bars and a bunch of other things! It was a great time, and Joy, while not sure why all this fuss was being made about her, was more than glad to soak it up! The only thing she really didn't like much was being wrapped in the parachute (they twist it up around her in the middle, then everyone pulls and she pops out, and up - she liked the ending better than the beginning!).

Thanks to all who came!


With my mother, who turned 81 the day before Joy turned 6.

Is It Really Almost July? That Means It's Been 6 Months Home!

I can hardly believe how fast the days have flown around here! I know, I've read other families' blogs and heard them say - it goes by so fast - but when you've been waiting for SO long for this, you secretly just don't believe them. Now, I do! It does fly by! I find myself missing the little girl who didn't understand quite so much English and we acted out whatever it was that we needed to say. I miss the girl who was mesmerized by The Wonder Pets, not asking to watch Hannah Montana! And I miss the days of eating chicken wings and raamen noodles for lunch!

But not really! :)

Joy has grown SO much in the last month, it is just incredible. In every way possible! Not only is her hair longer and she's over 2 inches taller, but her comprehension and ability to say what she means has just bloomed! She's really very clear about how she feels, what she wants, and what she wants you to do as well. We've had the most amazing conversations! I'm just in awe of her wit and her intelligence.

One of the most surprising things is her humor. Now that she can say what she means, it turns out that she's funny! She can make puns now in English, and jokes. She loves to catch me using a word that has 2 meanings and then ask me, with a sly smile, why I said it wrong. She knows it's right - she just likes to show me she's smarter than I am! It's so funny sometimes!

She has so much energy! When she hasn't moved enough during her day full of dance, gymnastics and swimming, she will ask to "run with Katrina". That means, take Katrina's throw toy outside to the golf course and race her back to me or Daddy. She's getting faster everyday! Then, all of a sudden, she'll sit down in the grass and announce, "I'm tired now." And then she'll ask me to carry her upstairs to bed. Ha!

We spent some time in Galveston with family from New Orleans and North Carolina. Joy was SO funny - the first day, she acted like she couldn't speak much at all, and generally stood around with her mouth open, listening and watching these strange people. By the time we left, she was talking up a storm! As one of my cousins said, if she wanted to get a word in edgewise with this group, she was going to have to start talking. And she did!

There's so much more - I know I'm leaving out important milestones here, but I want to get this posted. Here are some pictures:

Joy loves musicals and she's seen almost our entire video library, including "West Side Story". She loves the song, "I want to be in America", which she would sing at random moments for a while. When we were in Steamboat, she started saying, "I belong to America." I couldn't resist getting a picture of her with Ben smiling at her. She does indeed belong here!


Watergun Fight with Dad!! It must be summertime!


Showing off her Gymnastics medal with big sister Courtney



Not too sure about the red tutu at her dance recital.


With Daddy and Baby Garrett, my cousin's adorable little boy. Joy heard my cousin call him "Master Garrett" (she's from New Orleans - she can't help it!) and now when she sees a picture of him, she says, "That's Master Garrett!"



"Mama, carry me!"