And we are (almost) off again!

We leave tomorrow on another journey!  A journey of love, hope and excitement.  We leave to get our little boy, James Robert, from Taipei!

For those of you who had followed my postings about getting Joy, I apologize for not writing anything for a long time.  I had to decide what I wanted the blog to be.  There were personal things that I did not want to share, as many of you now know Joy (or Alex, more on that later) and I didn't want to color what you might see in her.  I also wasn't sure anyone really needed to know about my insights into adoptive parenting - there is a lot of info out there already! And my insights aren't too terribly original, lol.  While I haven't written anything down, I have stayed up at night composing posts, so at some point I will write them down.

But for now, this blog is officially up and running!  Just as we are running to Gotcha Day #2!  :)

We are off tomorrow to get James, or JR, as Zach dubbed him.  He is 6 years old and has lived with his foster family since birth.  We will meet him and his foster mother on Monday morning at Chung Yi, the same orphanage Joy lived in for 2 years.  Joy will be with us, (of course - do you think she'd let us leave her anywhere!?) and we will all go to the zoo and spend the day.  We took Joy there on our first day as a family, so this will be fun.  

The second day, we do paperwork and all the official things. Then, just like with Joy, they will have us stand for pictures in the front hall against the wall with pictures of other adoptive families, then we get in a taxi and wave goodbye.  You are a new family and now, on your own.  It's a wonderful and strange feeling.  I'm grateful we've done it before.  I think James will need us to have btdt (been there done that).

Here are a few pictures:

 As you can see, he's all boy!  Gonna be a pistol, I'm sure!

We are very excited!  Joy is beside herself sometimes - so excited, nervous (will he like me?) and worried (will we love her too?).  There is still a little fear that says we might leave her there, but we're doing our best to cope with that before it gets to be a big fear.  I have a charm heart that says "I'm always in your heart, Love Joy" and she has one that says, "I'm always in your heart, love Mama".  We'll wear those and maybe even switch if she's anxious the day we go to Chung Yi.  She doesn't have good memories of living there and is worried about seeing it again.  My hope is that it turns out to be a nicer place than she remembered.  

That's all for now - except I should change the color of the blog, don't you think?

I'll try to post after we get there.
Love to all
Margaret
 

A Belated Wonderful Happy Merry Christmas!

It has been a busy, wonderful few months!  I knew I wouldn't write during Christmas, but I did want to share some photos and a few stories.  Since it's now April - who would believe?! - it's high time I do it!

This was Joy's first full Christmas season with us.  We did celebrate Christmas and Santa Claus and stockings and such last year, but she really doesn't remember much.  What we found out this Christmas was that while she had seen Santa Claus in Taiwan, there wasn't the tradition of him leaving presents at Christmas.  "He" would come to the orphanage and bring them all donuts or cupcakes and sing "happy songs" and that was it.  So the idea of having this strange man come into the house was pretty scary!

We assured her it was okay.  Joy INSISTED that we tell Scarpia and Katrina because otherwise he wouldn't be able to get in.  Like all children, she wanted the surprise of the presents enough to be a little scared!  We dutifully sat down with Scarpia and Katrina and explained that the back door to the kitchen would be left unlocked and that Santa would be coming in that way.  They were not to bark or growl.  We left dog treats out for Santa to give them, just in case.  They were left with the thin mint Girl Scout Cookies (Santa's favorite, you know).  She also wrote a note to Santa, which he, of course, answered!  :)

(This is from the Kindergarteners singing at church.)

We tried to keep Christmas low-key - not many presents and nothing too amazingly exciting.  Her big present was snow shoes, which she hasn't had a chance to use yet!  (oh well....)  But even so, the whole month between Halloween and Christmas as really a lot for her. Halloween was unknown, scary and strange.  Then everyone else in her class knew what to expect next.  Thanksgiving: food, relatives, a few days off.  Then Christmas.  My many many thanks to her teacher who dealt with her that month!  She was out of control a lot, and mostly because she was scared and didn't know what was going on.  She obviously understood what we said, but really, until you've lived through the Christmas season as a child, you don't really know what's coming!  I expect next Christmas to have a fully Americanized child who doesn't say, "Mama, I don't need all these presents.  I just want to be with you and Daddy."  I'll miss it, for sure!

Our year ended with our anniversary - both Tim and my wedding anniversary, but also with our anniversary of bringing Joy home.

(Here she is with her cousins and aunt and uncle on New Year's Day.)

Perhaps the best thing we have done with Joy has been to tell her that she isn't in charge.  I think that perhaps parents with biological children, or children adopted at birth, wouldn't see the need for that, but we clearly did.  Joy was so used to taking care of herself, in so many different situations that she was like a little adult.  On the surface, that seems fine.  But it isn't.  She needed us to be PARENTS and Be In Charge.  It was just about January that she started to really relax, stop testing us at every corner, and let us be in charge.

I can't tell you the leaps and bounds we made that month!  Her learning excelled.  Her ability to communicate just blossomed.  Her willingness to listen and really incorporate what was being said multiplied.  It was wonderful!  And so nice after the upsetting few months before.

One thing we noticed was that Joy really wanted us to be firm.  She would push until she found the wall.  Tim and I both moved the wall up closer, if you know what I mean.  I think we started using counting about then too.  "That's 1" for whatever behavior wasn't acceptable (after making sure she knew that wasn't okay to do or say - you have to give some leeway because of the language).  "When I get to 3, you'll loose X."  Loosing things (like tv, a toy, or time with a friend) was much more effective than time outs.  We did (and still do) time outs on the stairs, where she can see me.  I tried a few times sending her to her room, mostly when I needed time to cool off, and that ALWAYS led to a complete meltdown.  So I learned (amazing!), and we don't do that anymore.  (Although, the threat of it will usually accomplish a contrite apology!)

In January, we also went to San Diego to see Zach graduate from boot camp and become a US Marine!  So very cool and we're so proud!  You can follow that journey on our other blog, http://www.zachs84.blogspot.com/.

We also stayed with some dear friends and played on the beach and just plain relaxed!

Our water sprite!  "The Best Day Ever!"

Thanks all!

February and March coming next......

Margaret

A Major Milestone, Again

It is with great glee that I report that Joy has slept TWO entire nights in her own bed in her own bedroom!! 

WHOOHOO!!

Didn't happen with a lot of fanfare.  Didn't make a big deal out of it.  One morning when she was fighting me particularly hard about getting dressed and ready for school, I said, that's the last night you get to spend in my bedroom.  If you're going to have a fit about something we do everyday, I'm not going to give you the privilege of sleeping in my room.  Tomorrow night we start back in your room.  I'll start in your room with you, then move to the playroom.  I'll sleep in the playroom for a week.  Then I'll move downstairs.

Tears.  Apologies.  Drama.

Then a very quiet, okay Mama.

And no tears come bedtime.  It helped that she was really really tired!!  :)

What was also funny was that the first night, she turns over to look at me (I'm on the floor) and says, "Mama, I'm scared."  Of what sweetie?  "Of the bad people Zach watches."  Of what?  "Zach's tv!  He MADE me watch it!  And now I'm scared!"  Oh, well, that's just pretend.  Boys sometimes like to watch things that scare them.  You don't need to worry about that.  It's not for real.

I had to not laugh out loud!  I mean, she's only been his little sister for 10 months and she was ENJOYING trying to get him in trouble!  She really wanted me to be mad at him for "making" her watch.  It was so funny!

So tonight will be night 3.  She is going to bed early tonight, as she's been fussy all day.  So wish us luck!

And my apologies to her Kindergarten teacher!!  I think I've sent her a tired, cranky girl for the last 3 days! We even got our card turned today!  Ooops!  But it's good that I'm not the only bad cop in the room!  :)

I promise that I will get some pictures and a video up of Halloween on tonight!  I also have to catch up from the last 2 months!  It just flies by!

Here's to sweet dreams that last all night long!

It's the littlest things sometimes!

Standing the kitchen, after coming home late from Choir rehearsal, Joy is eating a little cereal and I'm getting the dogs their pills.  She all of a sudden has a serious face and says, "I'm really sorry mama."  I say, about what?  "No, Mama," very emphatically, "I'm REALLY sorry and I won't do it again!!"

I can't imagine what's she's done since getting out of the car to warrant such a serious, heartfelt apology, so I ask again, what are you sorry about?

"I gave Katrina a popsicle."  You did?  When was that?

"I'm really sorry!  I was only 5 then, and I was outside sneaking away from you"  (I think she means, hiding) "and I was playing with Katrina, and and and.....I was afraid of timeout.....and and and....I'm really sorry!" 

The words are just pouring out of her, faster than she can really control, so some of this story is a mystery, but the gist was that she was outside with Katrina and either she gave it to the dog or Katrina took it, but the popsicle ended up in Katrina's stomach, not Joy's.  And because she didn't want to get in trouble, she didn't tell me.

So, after stifling a laugh, I told her how proud I was of her for telling me and she wouldn't get in trouble for that.  She didn't believe me at first and told me again it was when she was "really little, you know, 5 years old".  Uh-huh.  It's because you told me that you won't get in trouble.  It's okay.  Katrina is okay too. 

We talked about feeding Katrina people food, with a reminder about grapes (which are very poisonous to dogs), and everything was fine.

In fact, things were so fine that she told me how much she loved me, over and over again!  "100 times I love you, Mama!  Do you love me that much?"  Yes, sweetheart, a hundred, a million, a billion, a trillion times.  I hundred billion trillion times!  More than you can count!  "Why, Mama?  Why do you love me so much!?" 

Because you're you, my sweetheart!

Makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it?