Well, I have now seen the first tantrum. I had heard about and read about them, so I was prepared!
What I wasn't prepared for was the ending.
It was over - wait for it - Legos! That's a huge surprise. Joy has a police car. James does not. He is nuts for cars of all kinds, but police cars, well, that's something special. So when Joy said no, he could not play with her car, he just lost it. We went to sit on the step together when he tried to grab her Legos box and get the car out anyway. He cried on my knee, saying "I want to play with the police car" over and over again (I assume, since it was partly in Chinese and partly in English). I tried to calmly just say no, that's Joy's. At some point, when I thought he was a little more rational, I pointed to his box of Legos and said, for James. He pointed to it and basically said, throw it away, I don't want it. It was so funny!
So, I put it in the closet and said, bye bye. He seemed fine with that. Asked for Joy's car again, raged again, this time trying to hit the couch. I tried to get him to jump on the mini tramp we have in the room, but that seemed to make him madder.
At any rate, after about 20 minutes of this, he asked for his box of Legos out of the closet. I got it down and set it down on the carpet. He told me to shoo, so I left him alone, being busy in the room. He cried a little more, then got out the book that came with the Legos. In a few minutes, he called me to come over (Lai) and told me he wanted to make the fire engine in the book.
So we sat down on the carpet and made the fire engine, with proper modifications, of course. And he was a happy boy again.
Joy was doing a great job of being concerned but not in the middle of it either. When we started making the fire engine, I asked her to get her police car out so that they could play together. That made him just as happy as could be! She didn't let him touch it, but they played together, chasing phantom bad guys through the hallway!
So after being prepared for a "bad temper" and not much "regulation of emotions", I found a little boy who was genuinely mad, expressed it, found a solution, and got over it. Amazing!
Later - Jet Lag and "Mommy, 2 cereal, 2 egg, 2 soup please!"
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Home Sweet Home - Sleep, Sweet Sleep
We are home! We got home late on Sunday night. (Thank you Sharon and Michael for welcoming us and bringing our tired crew home!) Yesterday is mostly a blur - sleeping much later than I had hoped, then a rush to get groceries, shoes for James, and a visit to our fabulous chiropractor. Then choir rehearsal with my choir, The WestSide Chorale. I almost fell asleep driving to rehearsal, but had so much fun and was so energized by the wonderful music and friends there, I was charged up and ready for the Night Time Routine (which lasted until 2:30am!). Thanks, choir! I needed that, lol!
I do apologize for the lack of photos! I'm not sure why the tablet wouldn't let me download photos to blogspot - or may it was the internet service in Taiwan? - but in either case, my goal today is to get some photos up.
And a few musings along the way.....
Yesterday, as I stood in my very own shower, with the smell of my favorite shower gel filling the air, my good shampoo (not the little one I travel with) and a warm, clean towel from the heated towel rack, I realized how comforting all these sensations were to me. My bed. My pillow. My closet with clothes I know.
And I thought of James. He came with a small bag of clothes which looked mostly new, except for the underwear and pj's which looked about ready to fall apart. He has left every smell and sensation that brought him comfort in his short life. I felt for him.
On our trip, I watched him as he pulled closer and closer to us. While we were in Taipei, he was quick to slip from our hands and run towards things he wanted - the vending machines in particular to get a coke. Most everyone looked like him. The language in the air was his. But as he became aware of his surroundings in Seattle, he started to stay a little closer. By the time we were in the Denver airport, he had one eye on us at all times. At the grocery store yesterday, while still wanting to touch everything and run around the store, he did not want to get too far from us either. I'm thankful he's finding comfort in being with us. But I feel for his loss too.
No, this is not our new method of transportation! It is Courtney and Chris' and James was just about as excited as he could be to sit on it and touch it! Joy wasn't too upset about being invited to sit either! She loves fast things too - we are going to have so much fun come 8 years or so!
Thank you to Courtney and Chris! They were such amazing hosts! And they set the bar pretty high too! An indoor trampoline place one day and bowling the other day. Both kids loved it, with each taking their own time to try new things, but both conquering their fear and jumping in, no pun intended. I guess I'll need my jogging shoes on to keep up with these two!
Sleep deprivation is going to be an issue this month, so all who have to deal with me, please be patient, lol! James is sleeping through the night, although he does wake up crying occasionally. Joy is adjusting to a new bedroom and bed (well, not totally new - she did sleep successfully in her own room the first year until Halloween, then she was terrified and came down to our room and had been there ever since). All of her fears of being left, bad people taking her, and something happening to me have resurfaced, so sleep is a scary thing, not a rejuvenating thing. At least last night, I had a rocking chair in her room and my nook to read. She did finally crash around 2:30am.
I feel for her as well. She loves James. She loves having someone to play with. She loves having someone in the family to take our focus off of her a little bit. And she hates it all too! She is jealous, wants to be 6 again with us, and has a hard time sharing her things. She is mortally wounded at every push or shove that James gives. She is sure he hates her when he says, "UHHHHH!" (which usually means, Give That To Me Now!), even knowing that he doesn't have words in English to say that right now. And is convinced that when I look at him and smile it means I don't love her anymore either.
And then there are moments when she brightens and relaxes. She is a good big sister, teaching James how to conquer a level in Sleepy Jack, or keeping him from hurting the dog. She'll say to me something like, I see how you're taking care of James. Is that what you did for me when I first came here too? Everything is an affirmation, if she will see it that way. I pray she does.
This is James on Chris' shoulders at the bowling alley.
James is a sweetheart! He is genuinely loving and sweet, and all boy too! He's wild and out of control physically sometimes, and other times, he's very precise and accurate with his hands. I bought the app Mosiac for the ipad yesterday (it's cool - go look at it!) and he spent 20 minutes putting the marbles on the pegboard with his finger to make pictures. (So much for a delayed hand-eye coordination in the report.)
It seems pretty apparent that he's on a sugar rollercoaster. He doesn't eat protein (I don't call Chicken McNuggets protein.) He doesn't like veggies (a snow pea here and there), and fruit makes his face scrunch up like he's eaten a lemon wedge. On our How to Take Care of him sheet(s), the foster mother had written that she bribed him with cookies to eat 2 slices of fruit a day. That's a strange ratio, don't you think? Oh, and she's fed him soda the last 6 months to ease his "anxiety". Um, thanks.
Once we get his diet under control, I'll work on seeing just where his physical abilities are. The testing we received made it sound like he couldn't hold a pencil (which isn't true), so I'm guessing he didn't want to be at the testing center and was deliberately being difficult. I will remember that, lol!
I should go take a shower while they are still asleep! I'm not ready to leave him alone in the house and not ready to put Joy in charge of him either.
More later when I get pictures out of the cameras!
Thank you all for your prayers - they have been a blessing to us and we are grateful for safe travels and a smooth transition home. bye for now!
Margaret
I do apologize for the lack of photos! I'm not sure why the tablet wouldn't let me download photos to blogspot - or may it was the internet service in Taiwan? - but in either case, my goal today is to get some photos up.
And a few musings along the way.....
Yesterday, as I stood in my very own shower, with the smell of my favorite shower gel filling the air, my good shampoo (not the little one I travel with) and a warm, clean towel from the heated towel rack, I realized how comforting all these sensations were to me. My bed. My pillow. My closet with clothes I know.
And I thought of James. He came with a small bag of clothes which looked mostly new, except for the underwear and pj's which looked about ready to fall apart. He has left every smell and sensation that brought him comfort in his short life. I felt for him.
On our trip, I watched him as he pulled closer and closer to us. While we were in Taipei, he was quick to slip from our hands and run towards things he wanted - the vending machines in particular to get a coke. Most everyone looked like him. The language in the air was his. But as he became aware of his surroundings in Seattle, he started to stay a little closer. By the time we were in the Denver airport, he had one eye on us at all times. At the grocery store yesterday, while still wanting to touch everything and run around the store, he did not want to get too far from us either. I'm thankful he's finding comfort in being with us. But I feel for his loss too.
Thank you to Courtney and Chris! They were such amazing hosts! And they set the bar pretty high too! An indoor trampoline place one day and bowling the other day. Both kids loved it, with each taking their own time to try new things, but both conquering their fear and jumping in, no pun intended. I guess I'll need my jogging shoes on to keep up with these two!
Sleep deprivation is going to be an issue this month, so all who have to deal with me, please be patient, lol! James is sleeping through the night, although he does wake up crying occasionally. Joy is adjusting to a new bedroom and bed (well, not totally new - she did sleep successfully in her own room the first year until Halloween, then she was terrified and came down to our room and had been there ever since). All of her fears of being left, bad people taking her, and something happening to me have resurfaced, so sleep is a scary thing, not a rejuvenating thing. At least last night, I had a rocking chair in her room and my nook to read. She did finally crash around 2:30am.
I feel for her as well. She loves James. She loves having someone to play with. She loves having someone in the family to take our focus off of her a little bit. And she hates it all too! She is jealous, wants to be 6 again with us, and has a hard time sharing her things. She is mortally wounded at every push or shove that James gives. She is sure he hates her when he says, "UHHHHH!" (which usually means, Give That To Me Now!), even knowing that he doesn't have words in English to say that right now. And is convinced that when I look at him and smile it means I don't love her anymore either.
And then there are moments when she brightens and relaxes. She is a good big sister, teaching James how to conquer a level in Sleepy Jack, or keeping him from hurting the dog. She'll say to me something like, I see how you're taking care of James. Is that what you did for me when I first came here too? Everything is an affirmation, if she will see it that way. I pray she does.
James is a sweetheart! He is genuinely loving and sweet, and all boy too! He's wild and out of control physically sometimes, and other times, he's very precise and accurate with his hands. I bought the app Mosiac for the ipad yesterday (it's cool - go look at it!) and he spent 20 minutes putting the marbles on the pegboard with his finger to make pictures. (So much for a delayed hand-eye coordination in the report.)
It seems pretty apparent that he's on a sugar rollercoaster. He doesn't eat protein (I don't call Chicken McNuggets protein.) He doesn't like veggies (a snow pea here and there), and fruit makes his face scrunch up like he's eaten a lemon wedge. On our How to Take Care of him sheet(s), the foster mother had written that she bribed him with cookies to eat 2 slices of fruit a day. That's a strange ratio, don't you think? Oh, and she's fed him soda the last 6 months to ease his "anxiety". Um, thanks.
Once we get his diet under control, I'll work on seeing just where his physical abilities are. The testing we received made it sound like he couldn't hold a pencil (which isn't true), so I'm guessing he didn't want to be at the testing center and was deliberately being difficult. I will remember that, lol!
I should go take a shower while they are still asleep! I'm not ready to leave him alone in the house and not ready to put Joy in charge of him either.
More later when I get pictures out of the cameras!
Thank you all for your prayers - they have been a blessing to us and we are grateful for safe travels and a smooth transition home. bye for now!
Margaret
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
a few pictures
I don't know if any of these will load. Tim's pics on fb haven't, so maybe this will.
Our Visa day was successful. Then the park (Da'an) was fun. Starbucks for lunch (no noodle shops open - very expensive!). Now resting in the hotel before we head out to explore for dinner.
we're doing well! James is addicted to sugar (tried to take a packet of sweets from starbucks as we left the store) even running from us to get to vending machines screaming COKE COKE COKE! Gonna be a long flight....
Joy is doing well! Really learning how to be a big sister, and then whining about how he's rough with her. Ha! She's gonna be so much stronger for this! They are playing together very well, despite the arguments over the ipad.
well, the pics won't load from my tablet. I'll try the ipad later. Sorry! I'll post this anyway.
- - - if you're reading this and you are in process in Taiwan, we found the AIT experience was different from the first time we were here. Now all on the 2nd floor. Much less formal and they take credit cards - prefer really. So things change! lol
more later, I hope!
Margaret
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Big Day
It's hard to describe (at 4:30am) how much life has changed in 24 hours! (the sketchy internet connection doesn't help either) But I want to try to write a few things down while I can.
The handing over documents was so different this time! Chung yi had sent over to AIT most of the things we needed to carry with us last time. So I only have 2 pieces of paper to keep track of from them tomorrow. They do have this down, so while it feels a bit like a whirlwind, it is pretty controlled. Oh, and when they ask you to check the document, they don't meant that they way we think they do! Don't actually read it. lol
James' birthmother was there, which was different from the schedule they gave us. She had with her a social worker who "represented" her. There was the translator from yesterday who has been his social case worker for 3 months. The Vice-chairman of CY was there. And our translator, person in charge - Sharon. There was one more social worker, from the state. After all our interchange had happened, she made a request. It caused quite a stir! She Vice Chairman interrupted and was quite stern. The other women all looked surprised. The discussion between them went on for a while before they spoke to us. Sharon spoke to the Vice Chairman a good bit, clarifying, before she spoke to us.
Guess what the request was? Because it is a state requirement that children be enrolled in a school, they wanted proof that James would be going to school. Don't you think that's odd? He will not be a ward of the state, actually shouldn't have been once the final ruling came in. I quickly assessed that this fight was between the government and CY. I wonder if the interpretation of the new adoption law is changing here, or at least what is required of the orphanages is. This was unexpected, clearly, and I feel sure if we had balked and said it wasn't any of their business, CY would have backed us. But no need for that. I explained that of course we could provide proof he is attending school (thanks CHEC) but that it wouldn't be until January, when school started again. That s to please everyone.
Our exchanges with JR's foster mother were very special. She obviously loves this little boy, as does her family. She told us that he had chosen,"spontaneously" to come to us. I'mnot sure how that works, since I didn't think the children had that choice. But maybe he did. In any case, it meant for her that she could let him go to us.
We started the session with giving her a git, which was the right time to do that. It was a silver heart necklace of 2 hearts intertwined. We explained that her heartwould always be part of JR's heart and our hearts. She cried, apologized for her display of emotion, and then put it on. She touched it several times during our conversations.
There is so much to say about that part of the process, but I can't here. I just know that it must have broken her heart and I can only guess how JR feels. But he came willingly. A littlescared, but not timidly. He was clearly aware of this goodbye being for a long time. But he let us hold him, smile at him, responded with I love you too, and held on tight for thisnew ride!
Tim said and I agree that JR will be the glue in the family. He is impulsive physically, but it's not without thought. He is watchful and sees immediately when someone is displeased or upset. He wants to comfort Joy, but doesn't understand her reactions yet. (more on that later). He wants to make us laugh or smile at his accomplishment and isn't afraid to come and get it if we aren't paying enough attention. (the ipad is an amazing thing! Angry Birds transcends all language barriers and Fruit Ninja provides laughter no matter your age!)
There is more to say but it is time to wake up JR who doesn't want to get up and go to breakfast. 9am AIT appt. more later blessings Margaret
The handing over documents was so different this time! Chung yi had sent over to AIT most of the things we needed to carry with us last time. So I only have 2 pieces of paper to keep track of from them tomorrow. They do have this down, so while it feels a bit like a whirlwind, it is pretty controlled. Oh, and when they ask you to check the document, they don't meant that they way we think they do! Don't actually read it. lol
James' birthmother was there, which was different from the schedule they gave us. She had with her a social worker who "represented" her. There was the translator from yesterday who has been his social case worker for 3 months. The Vice-chairman of CY was there. And our translator, person in charge - Sharon. There was one more social worker, from the state. After all our interchange had happened, she made a request. It caused quite a stir! She Vice Chairman interrupted and was quite stern. The other women all looked surprised. The discussion between them went on for a while before they spoke to us. Sharon spoke to the Vice Chairman a good bit, clarifying, before she spoke to us.
Guess what the request was? Because it is a state requirement that children be enrolled in a school, they wanted proof that James would be going to school. Don't you think that's odd? He will not be a ward of the state, actually shouldn't have been once the final ruling came in. I quickly assessed that this fight was between the government and CY. I wonder if the interpretation of the new adoption law is changing here, or at least what is required of the orphanages is. This was unexpected, clearly, and I feel sure if we had balked and said it wasn't any of their business, CY would have backed us. But no need for that. I explained that of course we could provide proof he is attending school (thanks CHEC) but that it wouldn't be until January, when school started again. That s to please everyone.
Our exchanges with JR's foster mother were very special. She obviously loves this little boy, as does her family. She told us that he had chosen,"spontaneously" to come to us. I'mnot sure how that works, since I didn't think the children had that choice. But maybe he did. In any case, it meant for her that she could let him go to us.
We started the session with giving her a git, which was the right time to do that. It was a silver heart necklace of 2 hearts intertwined. We explained that her heartwould always be part of JR's heart and our hearts. She cried, apologized for her display of emotion, and then put it on. She touched it several times during our conversations.
There is so much to say about that part of the process, but I can't here. I just know that it must have broken her heart and I can only guess how JR feels. But he came willingly. A littlescared, but not timidly. He was clearly aware of this goodbye being for a long time. But he let us hold him, smile at him, responded with I love you too, and held on tight for thisnew ride!
Tim said and I agree that JR will be the glue in the family. He is impulsive physically, but it's not without thought. He is watchful and sees immediately when someone is displeased or upset. He wants to comfort Joy, but doesn't understand her reactions yet. (more on that later). He wants to make us laugh or smile at his accomplishment and isn't afraid to come and get it if we aren't paying enough attention. (the ipad is an amazing thing! Angry Birds transcends all language barriers and Fruit Ninja provides laughter no matter your age!)
There is more to say but it is time to wake up JR who doesn't want to get up and go to breakfast. 9am AIT appt. more later blessings Margaret
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