What a Day of Contrasts!

(This is Joy and Zach watching football game films. Apparently, she could pick him out in the films. Pretty clever girl!)

Even with all the reading I've done about parenting adopted children, it was generally academic until today!

Joy woke up happy. Mama did not - still trying to get rid of The Winter Cough....but Joy was unfazed by my lack of eagerness to face the day. She went downstairs and brought her laptop back with her, crawled into bed next to me and was happy to play while I tried to stretch 10 extra minutes out of the morning. But soon enough, both she and the dogs were hungry, so I got up. All was good, until - I don't know what, but something happened to change her mood.

Her rash is almost gone, and now we're dealing with dry skin, which is irritating, but not a constant thing. So I couldn't figure out why she was just plain whiny and unpleasant all morning. I finally got her on the couch, where she fell asleep for about an hour before lunch time. I think that was the benadryl. Her bad mood might also have been the medicine. I can't think of anything else.

As bright and sunny as she is, when she isn't those things, you get the polar opposite. Today was the first day I've seen any of the behaviors we read about in the social worker's reports. Obstinate. Tantrums. Unable to calm herself.

And yet - through that, I could see that she was trying. After finding that my sitting with her only made it worse, I told her she had to calm herself down. That she was okay, there was nothing wrong with her. I could see her trying to do that. Once she quieted down a little bit more, I tried to find something to reward her with - a video or a puzzle.

Her language skills completely evaporated, I guess because of her stress level. All I got was "baa baa" which clearly meant everything from, I'm unhappy, to I'm mad, to feed me. She was able to nod yes or no to my questions, so I did figure out that her stomach hurt. I thought maybe she fell running after Katrina while I was getting dressed. She couldn't give me any more clues than she didn't want anything to do with Katrina and she hurt.

So I let her sleep, then fed her lunch and her mood improved enough for a car ride. I thought, well, I need to go to the store anyway, and it's snowing and she was enjoying that earlier, so we'll just go for a car ride.

She was happy, sunny and all smiles getting into the car. And for about 15 minutes thereafter. Just long enough for me to decide, let's make it a little longer ride and go see the cows in the snow.

HA! No sooner had I decided to go farther then she started squirming and pulling at the seatbelt in the carseat. Then the whines started. Then the cries. During this, I'm driving in snow and traffic on Highway 36 and trying to figure out the fastest route home! I try to ask her questions. I get "baa". I tell her I can't stop because I'm driving, but I don't know if she understood. I tell her I'm sorry she hurts. I tell her we'll be home in a minute. I did get her to drink some water and she started to calm down a little bit. Finally, I just kinda ordered her to calm down. That got a better response.

So by the time we do get home, she's quite worked up, and I'm worried. What could possibly be wrong? A bladder infection (she's grabbing and pulling there)? Did she really get hurt when I wasn't watching?

In the house, with me carrying her everywhere, I finally get her to the bathroom. She says she doesn't need to go, but boy, does she! There are no symptoms of a UTI or anything like that. So I start poking her tummy trying to find what hurts. All of a sudden, she lets out this BIG fart!

Oh My Goodness, indeed!

Yes, all you mothers out there are laughing by now, right? She had gas. And then in about 5 minutes, she needed to poop. My, what a poop! And she instantly felt fine!

So here we are in the bathroom, with me kneeling on the floor to be at her level, having a talk about trusting Mama. I don't know how much of it made sense to her, but I was trying to say that she could trust me to take care of her. That when she hurt, I would find a way to make it better. In her world, that kind of predictability hasn't been there. Sometimes, yes, and that's why she is able to bond with us now. But it's still a new thing for her.

Her whining and the drama queen routine, while normal for the age, also carry with them a burden. We have to prove to her that we'll take care of her. We have to prove it over and over again, until she no longer thinks about it, worries about it, or acts out because of it. Children who've had the same caring parents since birth don't question that care. Even though Joy is amazingly trusting, she is wary too. And when she hurt in a way that she couldn't explain and I seemed to not do anything about it, it upset her deeply.

But part of her resiliency is that she bounces back to normal pretty quickly. Once that hurt was gone, and I was still there, she was the most wonderful, loving child! In fact, she was loving and helpful, not just bouncing around singing and dancing happily.

And her verbal skills came back three-fold! We had a small conversation even. Complete sentences are beginning. And she wants to understand time, days and the calendar. She even wrote "I love Mama" and put it on my music stand. Then wrote "I love Baba" and put it in the kitchen for him to find.

So in the end, it was a wonderful day!! She loved the snow falling, squealing while she's looking up at the snow in the lamplight. She loved having Zach home and spent time in the basement with him and Tim. She loved saying every word she could think of while she "read" me a story tonight. And she asked to go for a ride in Mama's car tomorrow too.

I said we could do that - and maybe this time we'll actually make it to the store!

Oh My Goodness!

(This is Joy tonight, with a present from some good friends - a kid's laptop! She is mesmerized and loved it the minute she saw it. I tried to get a video of her dancing around the room singing "Joy's computer!" but I couldn't get it. Maybe I will get C's project finished afterall!)

The phrase of the day - Oh My Goodness! complete with sigh at the end! Amazingly cute, and don't think she doesn't know it either! What a flirt!

Today was a day of contrasts. First we had to sit in the vet's office while we found out what was making Scarpia sick (he has a bladder infection and will be fine). I think I heard, "Mama, I'm hungry" about 200 times in 10 minutes. I was about to scream "Oh My Goodness!"

How do you explain to a child who is completely in the moment that mama will take care of it when she can, but at that exact moment, she can't fulfill that request! My repeated, "I know, we'll eat when we get home" was like speaking Swahili to her. I had a breakfast bar in my purse, which was in the car and if I'd thought about getting it, I might have tried that, but I didn't think about it. I was just trying to deal with a whining child who insisted on laying down on the floor. When she started screaming though, she crossed the line and she did at least know it! Up on the bench she sat with me, continuing to complain, but more softly.

I really felt badly! I tried playing. I had brought the magna doodle just in case. I got a depression stick out of the canister on the table. I tried singing, playing pattycake, using the wooden stick as a percussion instrument - but we had passed the point of being entertained....

So, after lunch at home, the second part of the day began.

Happy Joy appeared! She played in the backyard with the sand, the dogs, the stones left over from our paving project and a stick. For an hour. Happy as could be! I finally got some housework done.

For naptime, I told her that if she was good about taking a nap, we'd meet Daddy at the store. She laid her pillows out on the couch, covered Katrina with the blanket and to sleep she went. An hour and a half later, she was up, smiling, singing and ready to get in "Mama's car".

I think I've figured out the desire to get in a car - she wants to go to McDonald's....

The post I wrote in my head today was titled -
McDonald's: The Evil Empire
It was about how we succumb to the evils of the Happy Meal because it's easy, convenient and entertaining. However, the hell that one goes through with those stupid toys that talk at the push of a button. A button that is just the perfect size for a child's finger....a button that is irresistible to a child! I've heard the two Chipmunk figures say whatever they're saying more times than I can count. I have only asked that the she doesn't play them in the dogs' ears. So I'm rebelling!

This afternoon, after our trip to Costco, she said I'm hungry and I answered her with okay, let's get something. No more complaints. No whining. Just a smile.

I went to Wendy's instead and ordered off the dollar menu. And you know what? She didn't even know that she could have gotten a toy if we'd gone somewhere else. She was just happy to have her beloved french fries with a chicken nugget thrown in for good luck!

So there, McD's!
:P

The dentist and rashes

Two doctors in one day! What a trooper! It's little wonder Joy was weepy and sad tonight. She had quite the day!

First was the rash. Technically, this is the second rash. The first one was probably dry skin combined with being allergic to the special kids shampoo. We've almost got that one cleared up, although she keeps scratching some.

This one is on her face and does look pretty bad. So off to the doctor we went. We've just about decided it's a food allergy. The cream I'm using seems to be helping and we're adding benadryl. The main culprit is probably food dyes. So the goldfish are out. The fruit punch is out. We'll start there and see what happens.

Then we went to the dentist. This was a trip I was dreading! I've read such horrible stories about rotten teeth and pain and upset - and not being able to explain to this sensitive, aware child that whatever we had to do would make it better in the long run really worried me.

But she's just fine! In fact, her teeth look really good! I can hardly believe it! Definitely, an answered prayer!

Because of the 2 doctors, there really was no proper nap time today. I did get an hour of being on the couch looking at "Where's Waldo" while I got some computer work done, but it wasn't entirely easy. At least her new favorite item is her new watch! We started working on telling time by her telling me when the minute hand had moved to certain numbers. That way she could see there was progress being made and the end was going to happen at some point!

Somewhere before dinner, she started asking to get in the car. She did this last night as well. Tim and I worked on trying to understand why. I asked if she wanted to go see Jie-jie, thinking perhaps she thought that we could drive to where Courtney was. Joy said, no. I asked if she wanted to go to the store, which is where we went last night. No. Did she think she would get a cookie if we got int he car? No. Was there something in the car she wanted? No. Finally, mostly because it seemed like such a simple request to fulfill, we said yes.

So in sign language, she says, we eat, then when we're finished (hands up in the air), we go for a drive (pretend to steer) in Mama's car. Then Yeah!

After cleaning up, we got in my car. She was thrilled. We started driving to Golden to go see friends. She was happy until we got there. Then she was all worried and shy and clingy. Once we got inside, I could say, you're not staying with them - you're coming home with us! And our special phrase - I got you! She relaxed a little bit and said I gottchu back.

And then after about 10 minutes, she was the life of the party! Laughing, and squealing, mimicking everyone and playing a game we brought. We all had a great time!

I thought that surely we'd come home happy and ready for bed.

But I was wrong - when we got home, she didn't want to get out of the car and when I asked if she wanted to go home, she shook her head with little tears in her eyes.

That really surprised me! She's been so happy to be home, to get Katrina out of her crate and say hi to Scarpia. So I reminded her of those things and wouldn't let her stay in the garage, which is where she was acting like she'd rather be. Once we were inside, she wanted up in my arms.

So, after boots coming off, we went upstairs to get ready for bed. I wasn't quite sure what to do, but gently didn't let her have a choice. By the time we got to the 3rd floor (yes, that's where her room and bathroom are - what were we thinking!), she was saying Brush Teeth. We took a while to get ready for bed, but she didn't balk. At one point, I just sat and held her with her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

On the floor next to us was the box of the world map puzzle. I had shown her where Taiwan was on it. She dropped down and started saying Taiwan and looking for it. So I showed it to her. She seemed pleased to find it. I then asked her where Home was. We found Colorado. I said that was where Joy lived now. She used to live in Taiwan and now she lived here and wasn't she a brave girl for doing that. Then we found New York again because Courtney lives there.

I really think she was missing her home in Taiwan. Which makes me wonder if she thought we would get in the car, then the plane and then go back. She didn't ask about the airplane, so maybe not. But she was sad tonight.

Maybe she likes the motion of the car, of getting out, of being with just Tim and me where we laugh and listen to the radio. I don't know. But I wonder if she'll ask again tomorrow night....

After reading a few stories, we're asleep. Tomorrow, I promised her we would start learning how to read. She obviously understands that the words on the page mean things and she wants to understand it.

I think I have my school work cut out for me!
Better get some sleep then ----

Two Zoos in Two Weeks!

We made a trip to the Denver Zoo Lights last night. There weren't that many animals out, but we had a good time looking at lights and people and a few animals! Mostly, it was just a great time to hold Courtney's hand and ride on Daddy's shoulders.







The last picture is with Courtney's boyfriend Chris and his sister, Savannah.