What a Day of Contrasts!

(This is Joy and Zach watching football game films. Apparently, she could pick him out in the films. Pretty clever girl!)

Even with all the reading I've done about parenting adopted children, it was generally academic until today!

Joy woke up happy. Mama did not - still trying to get rid of The Winter Cough....but Joy was unfazed by my lack of eagerness to face the day. She went downstairs and brought her laptop back with her, crawled into bed next to me and was happy to play while I tried to stretch 10 extra minutes out of the morning. But soon enough, both she and the dogs were hungry, so I got up. All was good, until - I don't know what, but something happened to change her mood.

Her rash is almost gone, and now we're dealing with dry skin, which is irritating, but not a constant thing. So I couldn't figure out why she was just plain whiny and unpleasant all morning. I finally got her on the couch, where she fell asleep for about an hour before lunch time. I think that was the benadryl. Her bad mood might also have been the medicine. I can't think of anything else.

As bright and sunny as she is, when she isn't those things, you get the polar opposite. Today was the first day I've seen any of the behaviors we read about in the social worker's reports. Obstinate. Tantrums. Unable to calm herself.

And yet - through that, I could see that she was trying. After finding that my sitting with her only made it worse, I told her she had to calm herself down. That she was okay, there was nothing wrong with her. I could see her trying to do that. Once she quieted down a little bit more, I tried to find something to reward her with - a video or a puzzle.

Her language skills completely evaporated, I guess because of her stress level. All I got was "baa baa" which clearly meant everything from, I'm unhappy, to I'm mad, to feed me. She was able to nod yes or no to my questions, so I did figure out that her stomach hurt. I thought maybe she fell running after Katrina while I was getting dressed. She couldn't give me any more clues than she didn't want anything to do with Katrina and she hurt.

So I let her sleep, then fed her lunch and her mood improved enough for a car ride. I thought, well, I need to go to the store anyway, and it's snowing and she was enjoying that earlier, so we'll just go for a car ride.

She was happy, sunny and all smiles getting into the car. And for about 15 minutes thereafter. Just long enough for me to decide, let's make it a little longer ride and go see the cows in the snow.

HA! No sooner had I decided to go farther then she started squirming and pulling at the seatbelt in the carseat. Then the whines started. Then the cries. During this, I'm driving in snow and traffic on Highway 36 and trying to figure out the fastest route home! I try to ask her questions. I get "baa". I tell her I can't stop because I'm driving, but I don't know if she understood. I tell her I'm sorry she hurts. I tell her we'll be home in a minute. I did get her to drink some water and she started to calm down a little bit. Finally, I just kinda ordered her to calm down. That got a better response.

So by the time we do get home, she's quite worked up, and I'm worried. What could possibly be wrong? A bladder infection (she's grabbing and pulling there)? Did she really get hurt when I wasn't watching?

In the house, with me carrying her everywhere, I finally get her to the bathroom. She says she doesn't need to go, but boy, does she! There are no symptoms of a UTI or anything like that. So I start poking her tummy trying to find what hurts. All of a sudden, she lets out this BIG fart!

Oh My Goodness, indeed!

Yes, all you mothers out there are laughing by now, right? She had gas. And then in about 5 minutes, she needed to poop. My, what a poop! And she instantly felt fine!

So here we are in the bathroom, with me kneeling on the floor to be at her level, having a talk about trusting Mama. I don't know how much of it made sense to her, but I was trying to say that she could trust me to take care of her. That when she hurt, I would find a way to make it better. In her world, that kind of predictability hasn't been there. Sometimes, yes, and that's why she is able to bond with us now. But it's still a new thing for her.

Her whining and the drama queen routine, while normal for the age, also carry with them a burden. We have to prove to her that we'll take care of her. We have to prove it over and over again, until she no longer thinks about it, worries about it, or acts out because of it. Children who've had the same caring parents since birth don't question that care. Even though Joy is amazingly trusting, she is wary too. And when she hurt in a way that she couldn't explain and I seemed to not do anything about it, it upset her deeply.

But part of her resiliency is that she bounces back to normal pretty quickly. Once that hurt was gone, and I was still there, she was the most wonderful, loving child! In fact, she was loving and helpful, not just bouncing around singing and dancing happily.

And her verbal skills came back three-fold! We had a small conversation even. Complete sentences are beginning. And she wants to understand time, days and the calendar. She even wrote "I love Mama" and put it on my music stand. Then wrote "I love Baba" and put it in the kitchen for him to find.

So in the end, it was a wonderful day!! She loved the snow falling, squealing while she's looking up at the snow in the lamplight. She loved having Zach home and spent time in the basement with him and Tim. She loved saying every word she could think of while she "read" me a story tonight. And she asked to go for a ride in Mama's car tomorrow too.

I said we could do that - and maybe this time we'll actually make it to the store!